Wrinkly Bits
A Blog by Gail
I love to cruise. Being on the water is second only had making love, and that’s the truth, but don’t tell my kids!
We are on the Oosterdam, one of Holland America’s “dam” ships, and we have at least two opportunities for breakfast, a cafeteria called the Lido, and the dining room, which is a very civilized, upscale restaurant. If I were to compare the Lido to one of Cowboy’s cow-dining facilities, it would be a feed lot, tons of food of all kinds, tasty, and you can eat as much as you want. Want seconds? Go back and ask for a double and you’ll get it. Want a double martini? That can be arranged, although for breakfast, it might take a little longer.
Cowboy and I have spent quite a lot of time trying to keep our 2026 New Year’s Resolution of weight control. Cruises can be brutal on weight control, so we made a plan:
1. Keep carbs at a minimum.
2. Ask for half-portions when possible.
3. Walk two miles a day.
4. Skip a meal now and then…not too often, though.
That should do it, we thought. We were so wrong.
“Our evening waiter in the civilized dining room is Yongfi. He’s a handsome young man with an assistant, equally handsome and capable. Our table mates are a retired couple from Portland, Oregon. They once owned a boating marina, so Cowboy and Stanley talk boats, while Jen and I talk about books and travel. We have a lot in common, making for easy conversation during dinner.
Yongfi brings out a carb plate…you know, a half dozen kinds of freshly baked bread. That’s rule number one, broken before dinner even starts.
Then Yongfi offers us the menu, listing six to eight appetizers (easily enough for a full meal), the main course with a dozen choices, and a list of desserts, numbering another eight items. I ordered the shrimp cocktail, (4 giant shrimp but no carbs, no calories), and some fish I’ve never heard of, and said a firm NO to the desserts, but that was before I spied flan on the menu. I never get flan; I can stay within our rules if I eat only half. Good plan, I think. The four of us ate and talked, and I ate a lot, but only half the fish dish. Yongfi started picking up plates and said, “Is something wrong with the dinner, Miss Gail? You ate only half. Take your time, we can wait till you finish.” Cowboy nudged me, “You’d better finish, and I finished fish plate, and scarfed down the flan, lickety-split.” Rule number two, out the window.
Rule number three…the walking one. The Captain just came over the microphone. “We have started out trip through Beagle Channel and I have closed all decks and you must stay off the balconies. No swimming either. We have 80 knot winds and giant waves. Stay in your rooms. Rule number three, null and void.
So that takes us to rule number four, skipping a meal. We can do that, and I have an unopened bottle of wine sitting right beside me. To hell with our plan, we’ll just enjoy some wine.
