Wrinkly Bits
A Blog by Gail Cushman
It seems like the Amazon.com truck arrives at our front door every day, but I know that’s not true, more likely every other day. The Cowboy and I both order treasures from time to time, and it’s like Christmas, unwrapping the box or plastic bag, labeled “lighter-than-our-smallest box.” If we need it, Amazon will come through, yet it’s always a surprise! Vitamins! (I forgot that I ordered a lifetime supply and bought three more bottles at Sam’s yesterday.) New Underwear! (Oops, I didn’t mean THOSE, I musta hit the wrong size button.) Sleeping bag! (Too late, we just got back from our trip.) Cough syrup! (Did I really want a 55-gallon drum of blackberry flavored cough suppressant?) We live a sizeable distance from town and have been known to have white dusting on the roads, so it’s logical and probably safer to have Amazon deliver some of our treasures than drive to town and pick them up ourselves.
Last week, we hit the jackpot. Four packages! Woohoo. We waited until after dinner, knowing that whatever we had ordered would be a surprise and perfect. It was Amazon PRIME after all. No postage!
Package number one. Mincemeat. Do you remember my Thanksgiving woes? There was a rush on minces, and its meat was unavailable at any store, but Cowboy ordered it from Amazon, which is never out of anything. It finally arrived. Unscathed. Two whole jars, with a November 24, 2024 expiration date. Not broken, looking fine. We are in good shape. It’s in the pantry. Glory be! Fingers crossed that I remember it’s in the pantry at Thanksgiving.
Package number two. Science food for parrots. We don’t have a parrot. We have Cody, and he’s not woke enough to substitute his dog food for parrot food. He likes a variety of people food, almost anything we eat, except fish. As far as I know he doesn’t cozy up to parrots. Time will tell, however. He might be a sucker for parrot food; we’ll sprinkle it on his dog food and see what happens. Maybe Amazon knows more than we do. Or just maybe I can teach him to talk!
Package number three. An ironing-board cord holder from a company we had never heard of. I puzzled over that one because I don’t use the iron except when absolutely necessary. Cowboy didn’t know what an ironing board looked like before I moved to Montana, although one was hanging up in the laundry room. We ordered a zipper-fix-it kit to mend Cowboy’s old cow coat, which is perfectly good, except that the zipper has zipped too many zips and is currently mis-zipped or unzipped. A zipper-repair kit sounds great, but someone somewhere mixed up the bar codes for the zipper kit, and sent us an ironing board cord holder. As far as I’m concerned, it has no redeeming qualities and back it goes.
Package number four. A pair of earrings (for me, not the Cowboy, for heavens sakes) with my Wrinkly Bits logo on them. It is a duplicate of earrings I received nearly two years ago, and here it was again. This was from some guy in Calcutta, India, named Mister Shiva Viransha. This was a real puzzle because I don’t know anyone named Shiva, and my only Indian friend moved to America in the 70’s. The earrings are very cute. Shiva is not on any of my “friend lists” on Facebook or other social media, so I’m perplexed. I don’t have plans to go to India, but might have to turn left the next time I go to Madagascar.
Don’t get me wrong, I love Amazon, they do a heck of a job getting packages delivered, especially those of us living in the wild, wild west. But, if they are gonna misdeliver, couldn’t they leave off a new car or a simple pound of gold?
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