As you know, I receive a lot of junk mail, spam, and other useless “stuff” on my computer and my phone. It’s a waste of time to write it and I certainly don’t want to read it, so often wonder who in the world sends it. Today, for example, in red letters, I got an email saying: “How to stop hair loss with your toothbrush,” further advising me to “rub your scalp with black lemon zest and watch your hair grow back.” It begs the question, who tried this in the first place? What causes a guy to put together the unrelated concepts of toothbrushes and lemons. Does he sit on the couch, bored out of his mind with television, sucking on a lemon with a toothbrush in his hand, thinking, “Wow, I wonder what else I can do with a toothbrush and a lemon. There must be something.” He starts rubbing his head, and four months later he has a few more strands of hair than he did on day one. He buys some email addresses from somebody who sells them, and sends Gail an email about toothbrushes, lemons, and hair growth.
This whole concept is filled with questions, and I’m not even sure what they are. It’s like something out of an alien mind, at least in my world. Does he not know that toothbrushes are for cleaning teeth, occasionally doubling with cleaning something really small or really delicate, like jewelry or shoelace grommets. My mother taught me that.
And by the way, lemons are not black, they are yellow, very pretty, very sour, and have specific purposes, like lemonade and lemon méringue pie and killing the taste of fish. I don’t think I’ve ever been accused of over-cooking lemons, that is charring them. But maybe this is something my mother, the field marshal, failed to instill in my young mind.
Through the years, there have been many silly inventions. How many of us bought a “pet rock” or an attachment that vacuumed hair as you cut it. Or a slinky, that did nothing but make you walk down the stairs to retrieve it and back up to watch it a second or third or even eighth time.
So, now, I’ve convinced Cowboy Bob that we need to become more clever and invent something. I thought of a toenail clipper that can double as an eyelash curler and tweezers. He didn’t like that much but I saw a lightbulb go on in his brain and he headed for the shop with a box of tools and a bag of Slowpoke’s worn-out horseshoes. Who knows? It can’t be worse than lemon and a toothbrush for hair growth.
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