I don’t know if Idaho is on a different time schedule than the rest of the world, but since I returned home from the slow-moving state of Montana, the world has sped up and the days zoom by before I can say Jim Dandydoodle, except for one annoying time, when it drags like a sloth on Valium. You know what I’m talking about, the time spent waiting for someone to answer because “your call is important to us, please hold,” repeated every eighteen seconds. I know it’s every eighteen seconds because I counted. My view is that if I’m so danged important, why are you keeping me waiting for thirty minutes, instead of hiring another operator? I spend more time waiting for an operator than I ever spent with my kids when they were in diapers. When someone finally answers, it’s unbelievably tempting to say to the operator, “Your call is important to me, please hold” and let them sit waiting for me for another thirty minutes. I don’t do that because: A. It’s not the operator’s fault and: B. I don’t have elevator music like “Who Let the Dogs Out” hooked up to my phone for them to enjoy.
Today I had to call my health insurance company and I ran into a double whammy. First, I was left on hold interminably. I’m not sure how many eighteen seconds passed as I patiently waited, but I made toast, drank a cup of coffee, and balanced my checkbook while their system played the song, “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” for the entire time. Finally, a voice came on and someone that sounded like a machine said, “We are sorry for the delay, leave your number and someone will call you back before the end of the day.” Oh, great. Don’t worry, be happy.
By that time, the Bobby McFerrin song was bouncing in my brain, and I couldn’t figure out how to get it out, so changed directions. I forced the obnoxious tune from my brain by running the vacuum and dusting the furniture. I knew my editor wanted a pie, so I threw one together, still waiting for the return phone call, and just as I finished, the phone rang, an unknown number, but I answered it. Lucky me! It was the health insurance company, yay! By then, I had forgotten why I called, but no worries, I had written it down on my to do list but, of course, I couldn’t find the list.
The person on the phone asked all the same questions, confirming my name, rank, and serial number, along with the colors of my children’s eyes or some such non-sense. When he asked the purpose of my call, I felt stupid because I couldn’t remember, and I still couldn’t find the list. It had something to do with a prescription, but I drew a blank. How embarrassing! I thought I was speechless, but finally asked what kind of pie he liked. There was a long pause and he said, “Apple.”
I said, “Don’t worry, be happy! That’s the kind I made while I was waiting for you to call. Bye.”
Thinking about it, it was not all that bad because, because I was able to balance my checkbook, dust, vacuum, and make a pie and I’m sure he was laughing at this silly old lady, and anytime I can make people laugh, it’s time well spent.
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