OMG, I was asked out on a date. What should I do? I haven’t been on a date for over fifty years, and I have no idea how to act. When a spouse dies, the funeral home should hand out guides to widowhood or widowerhood. It seems only sensible because I, for one, don’t have a clue.
Teenage dates involved a little conversation, which was mostly less than substantive conversation, bits of gossip, who’s with whom, Friday night’s football game, what teachers were the best, worst, nicest, or sexiest. Sometimes conversations advanced to what colleges might be the best or the job market. They never dealt with politics or religion or philosophical thoughts about the meaning of life, after all the meaning of life for a teenager is limited to their few years. And the physical intimacy was done in the backseat of the car or on a blanket in the woods.
College dates moved to those thoughts about the meaning of life, but I was uncharacteristically silent because I didn’t know diddly squat about life and what it meant. I just wanted to get on with it, whatever it might hold, hence the Marine Corps, at which time I learned very quickly that the meaning of my life would be better if I followed orders more closely. My college and Marine Corps dates consisted of food, alcohol, an event, like a ball game or dance now and then, and probable conversation about what I was going to do when I got out. We moved from the backseat of the car to the couch or somewhere more comfortable. (Get your mind out of the gutter. I meant the Lazy Boy.)
When we got married, I didn’t date much in the traditional sense of a date. Out to dinner. A movie if we could agree on something we both liked. Maybe a sporting event. The physical stuff would wait until we got home.
But now, I’m 75, and said yes to going on a date! I went to the expert, Dr. Google, who has something to say about everything, started the conversation about senior dating with a list of health issues to be aware of like blood pressure, hearing loss, and dementia. The second part of the page dealt with STDs and the third part of the page dealt with how to find an online dating site. Things have changed vastly since I had a date and now, I’m unsure what to do.
I don’t know if this date will go somewhere or not. It’s sort of iffy, but it might get me out of the doldrums. It seems there should be a system and I remember that before my dad bought a horse, he checked their teeth. It seems like there ought to be a simple test like that before you go on a date at age 75. I could check Fitbit, but I’d have to call a grandchild to ask how it worked…I’d rather stick my head in an alligator’s mouth.
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